Down the Dark Path

It may seem strange that I didn't but "The Force Unleashed" last fall. After all, I'm both a gamer and a huge Star Wars fan. But this new DLC may just be the impetus for me to pick up this mediocre hack n' slash adventure.

Who Watches the Watchmen? I did and I Feel Conflicted.

What do I see when I look into his face? A guy who needed more screen time.

Watchmen is for comic fans what Citizen Kane is to movies and Crime and Punishment is to the novel--arguably the highest artistic expression of the genre. As such there's no doubt then that any translation into another media is bound to be a struggle at best and destine to failure at worst. Enter Zack Snyder stylish ultra-modern director extraordinaire with a previously excellent comic adaptation in 300. Snyder faces two over-arching problems one being the breadth of Watchmen and its place in comic book lore. The other is his own directorial style.

The former he has no control over... the later is an entirely different matter all together.

Hop on over to The Venturian for our full review and a look into awkward moments in Transcendent Blue Guy sex.

No thanks for sharing

Who’s to say what’s right and wrong this day in age? The Internet, for one.

My recent adventures in searching for a new game-capable laptop have been fraught with peril; grainy pictures, agonizing over specs, and useless reviews.

I’ve been lucky to find a few informative reviews, written in complete English by consumers who actually know how to use a laptop. If only every review was as illuminating. Sadly, the majority of reviews on sites like NewEgg are written by buffoons who just love to see themselves type. Or, they actually believe they are doing the community a service.

In all my browsings, I’ve observed several categories of reviewer frequently cropping up. The provided quotations are meant to give you an idea of what these archetypes write. I could have included actual excerpts, but I’m lazy and my examples better illustrate their idiocy.

Beware the review sections of the Internet, good reader, lest ye encounter…

The Noob

For whatever reason, The Noob has never owned a laptop computer before. In fact, they’ve probably never experienced an LCD screen or Windows Vista before. For them, portable computing blows their minds, and any laptop they purchase is the shiznit.

This my FIRST LAPTOP EVER and I couldnt be hapier.It has a webcam an finger reader and can run world of warcraft really good. Def recomend!!!

The Giver

The Giver is a generous soul. Not only did they purchase the laptop for a friend or loved one, they graced the Internet with their useless feedback. No thoughts on quality or craftsmanship, just the uneasy feeling that the recipient uses it for YouTube and Internet porn.

Bought it for my dad for Fathers Day. He luvs the webcam and sending emails so its perfect for him. Got it pretty cheap too :)

The “Professional”

AKA The Mole, because it’s unlikely that IT professionals and engineers would go around endorsing a laptop model. The reviewer is either paid by the manufacturer or a plant by the retailer to sell more units. Notice the glowing testimonial and proper grammar.

I am an IT professional and recently purchased this model. It has excellent capabilities for my work and I recommend it to customers and coworkers all the time. Shipping was quick and it came with a lot of useful software preinstalled.

The Doomsayer

The end is near… if you purchase this laptop. The experience attached to this model was a bad one, personal or based on a friend’s story. Granted, there are some shoddy laptops on the market, but The Doomsayer is probably an excitable youngster that believes everything they hear and lacks perspective.

Please please PLEASE think twice before buying this laptop. My friend has the same model his battery caught fire and the company would not refund. other sites say bad reviews to so look at other ones first. Also battery bad.

The Hapless

This poor bastard got poked in the eye by the hand of fate when they bought this laptop. It probably shipped late, in several pieces, or just didn’t work properly. And they were tortured by tech support for several hours.

My wife purchased this for me and all i can say is yuck! I started it up and it didnt work, so we called tech support. some foreign guy told us stupid crap like turn it on, obvious stuff for an hour. Am sending back in for refund. Better off with my dell and windows xp, screw this.

The Non Sequitur

Have a problem with your laptop not in any way related to hardware or software? Like, say, the Internet? The Non Sequitur does, and they bring The Doomsayer’s zeal to their negative reviews.

I woud not recommend this to a anyone. It started up ok and vista was good but I go on youtube and the video wont load. HELP! If cant fix, sending back in. Anyone else have same problem? My xboxlive tag is n00bslayr1134 wii friend code 1234-5678-9101

The Lover/Hater

These reviewers are two separate entities rolled into one category because they are equally enthusiastic and ultimately contribute little. While every machine has its advantages and disadvantages, these two rivals see the laptop as either good or bad.

GOOD
OMG this lappy is grate my firend has one just like it. I goe to colledge so its portable and good batt. I wanted a mac but too expensive. This just as good and you can put pictures on screen and share on facebook A+++!!!!

BAD
This is a f---ing piece of s--- and nobudy should by it. It gets to hot and runs too slow. My brother has 2.1 ghtrz prossesor and his was cheaper cant play crysis on it like my rig. Only good for internet, but even then realy slow. Just buy pc people look like ideots in public with laptops get iphone instead.